Poetry inspired by watching endless comedy central. My Daddy is a Homeless, Drag Queen Hooker Once upon a time in a land of woe there was a drag queen hooker by the name of Joe he was butch and tall and hung like a horse and he was very straight - of course He hooked all night to put food on the table and he went by the alias Good Ol Mabel Able Mabel! The truckers did call but he was not like the other hookers at all for he had a son and his name was Pete and they were homeless and lived on the street Dear Daddy, Dear Daddy said little Pete Where do you work, and whatís on your feet? Those are my heels, so strong and tall and Iím a street hooker the best of them all though little Pete Iím not like the other dads not a doctor, or lawyer, or drive a cab I provide a service as you will see For today is bring your child to work day, come with me Petey and Mabel went out into the night and he watched his dad with such delight Throngs of men came from near and far to have Able Mabel do her job in their cars and when Mabel was through, they laughed with glee son turned to father and said happily Dear Daddy, Dear Daddy, I hope to be a homeless, drag queen hooker one day so youíll be proud of me the end Heatherís Mommy is a Closet Case Heatherís mommy is a closet case, she hides her butchness behind skirts with pretty lace she wears lots of make-up and styles her hair she says she loves her husband, but she really doesnít care But late at night, when her husbandís asleep she sneaks to a bar called the Vaginal Beat There she dances with girls of all ages some are in chains, some are in cages Oh my, says Heatherís mom, I like it here! Oh bartender! Bartender! Bring me another beer! She sat at the bar and had such a good time till she looked at her watch and said, Christ, itís 9! She hopped out of the swing and went to her car and drove out of sight, away from that bar She put the key in the lock and opened the door but saw a flash of lame, maybe even more! She saw boas, feathers, and high heeled feet and moved up to the face Ė it was her husband Pete! They stopped for a minute and looked up and down then broke out in laughter and bounced all around Iím a dyke, youíre a fag! Things couldnít get better! What joy! What bliss! Letís go tell Heather! They sat by her bed and told her their tale And one thing more --- Heather, you were born a male. The end. Severed Head by Jeffrey Dahmer I severed off a head today but where it is I cannot say It could be in the kitchen it could be in the drawer It could be in the bathroom lying on the floor It could be in the attic It could be on the stairs It could be in the living room lying on a chair I think of all the places that a little head could hide but it's very hard to think with the sirens on outside.